Words that have made me stop and “think” this week:

mer·it – (noun)

1. claim to respect and praise; excellence; worth.

2. something that deserves or justifies a reward or commendation; a commendable quality, act, etc.: The book’s only merit is its sincerity.

3. merits, the inherent rights and wrongs of a matter, as a lawsuit, unobscured by procedural details, technicalities,personal feelings, etc.: The case will be decided on its merits alone.

4. Often, merits. the state or fact of deserving; desert: to treat people according to their merits.

5. Roman Catholic Church . worthiness of spiritual reward,acquired by righteous acts made under the influence of grace.

ca·thar·sis – (noun)

1. the purging of the emotions or relieving of emotional tensions, especially through certain kinds of art, as  tradgedy or music.

2. Medicine/Medical . purgation.

3. Psychiatry

a. psychotherapy that encourages or permits the discharge of pent-up, socially unacceptable affects.

b. discharge of pent-up emotions so as to result in the alleviation of symptoms or the permanent relief of the condition.

re·ly – [verb (used without object), -lied, -ly·ing.]

1. to depend confidently; put trust in (usually followed by on or upon ): You can rely on her work.

dig·ni·ty – (noun, plural -ties.)

1. bearing, conduct, or speech indicative of self-respect or appreciation of the formality or gravity of an occasion or situation.

2. nobility or elevation of character; worthiness: dignity of sentiments.

3. elevated rank, office, station, etc.

4. relative standing; rank.

5. a sign or token of respect: an impertinent question unworthy of the dignity of an answer.

re·sent·ment (noun)

1. the feeling of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark, person, etc., regarded as causing injury or insult.

Wisdom from Kindergarteners – moments when my kiddos can be cute:

Do not sit down when you have rocks in your pockets

New stuff on Etsy!!!

*** All definitions were found at dictonary.com***

Working with the kiddos has been a bit better the past few days. I haven’t put in my two weeks notice yet, but am still considering it. I had an interview today for another, more sales-oriented job, but I don’t know if it will be a good fit for me right now. I would hate to quit the after school job and have nothing even though I do need my rest. I’m begin volunteering at the hospital soon, probably next week. It will give something new to do while being able to check out some career fields and giving back to my community. I guess I’ll just have to weigh the pros and cons of each job (or take a “sabbatical”).

Tonight I’m just gonna take it easy and catch up on my TV shows. I really don’t watch much TV except for the news and occasionally House Hunters on (HGTV). I’ll pick a day, like today, and catch up on current episodes.

I love me some Criminal Minds (especially Shemar Moore)!

It’s kinda cheesy but I’m hooked on this new show:

What shows do you follow?

Bedtime snack

Goals/Progress Check:

• Cut back on processed and pre-packaged foods - I didn’t buy veggie burgers this shopping trip but I did buy protein bars (they were on sale). Once my current stash is gone I plan to experiment with making my own granola/snack bars. I need to eliminate my vice, diet soda. Right now I’m down to 5x a week… I’m aiming for every other day.
• More Yoga and Meditation/Self-Care - I did not practice as much yoga last week. I was more focused on cardio but worked in a longer yoga session last night. I’m aiming for 4-5 yoga sessions this week and making sure I stretch out my muscles when I wake up (that’s when I’m the most sore/tight). I also need to add more calories to fuel my extra activity.
• Future - I submitted my applications to two graduate schools for social work! There were so many things to submit (essays, recommendation letters, forms, etc.) and it feels wonderful to have them out of my hands! Since I’m always bouncing back and forth between what I want to do I’m going to apply to an occupational and physical therapy assistant program. This way I’ll have my options open to start in the fall if I choose to.
• Be greener – I’ve been pretty good about using baking soda and vinegar based cleaners. I’m bad about using plastic Ziploc snack bags when I go to work. I have small containers but they can be bulky when I don’t have anywhere to store them. I’ve been trying to reuse the same one or two. I’ve also started using a wash cloth/cloth napkin vs. paper towels (I go through them so quickly!)
• Simplify possessions - My mom and I dropped off bags of donations at our local charity this weekend. I still have more than enough clothes, books, jewelry, etc. I’d like to start adding 5 things to my donation pile a week.
• Eliminate “Drama” - I’m trying to cut back from “time-suckers” – Facebook, Pinterest, checking email, etc. when I could be spending my time more wisely. A lot of people I usually stay connected with are not being the best of friends right now. They are too tuned in to their own drama/lives when I really need their support. People’s posts on Facebook have been annoying my more so than usual. I deleted the Facebook app from my phone to try to reduce my temptation to check in throughout the day. I’ve also began turning my phone off at 11 pm so I don’t get caught up in previously stated “time-suckers”.

Tell me about your own goals. How are those New Year’s Resolutions coming?!

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After dinner I got some odds and ends done and watched Capote.

A lot of the thigns I’ve read or watched lately (Midnight in Paris, Capote, A Walk with Jane Austen) happen to be about aspiring writers! Writing (more seriously) has been a dream of mine. Now I’m more inspired, it’s like all these little “signs” keep following me.

Saturday was full of running errands and shopping with my mom. I had a new Luna bar with some tea for fuel while I was out and about. I wasn’t a huge fan of this bar. It was kinda dry and not “chocolately” enough for me. I definitely prefer the chocolate peppermint and chocolate nut brownie bars!

Stores visited included Half Price Books, JC Penny (Sephora), & Hobby Lobby

I bought most everything with gift cards from Christmas so my grand total for the day was $15.97 – $6 (from selling at Half Price Books) = $9.97!!!

Pretty good day overall but very tiring!!! I decided to curl up with a movie and work on my crochet, and start a new book instead of going out. I am perfectly OK with a night in (even though I was wanting to get out of the house earlier in the week). Bargin hunting is some tiring business!

Starting on my Jane Austen book reading-marathon. I want to read them in order and I actually had the first one lying around the house.

New Stuff on Etsy!!! (<–click, it's a link!)

What has the highlight of you weekend been so far?

I’ve also been having some other “health-related” problems that need to be resolved ASAP and working (even if it’s only part-time) at my current job makes me feel worse. I don’t want to lie around my house all day so I need some kind of balance where I won’t be overwhelming myself while still earning some money to save. I know that my health, both physical and mental, should be the priority of my life, I just have such a difficult time focusing on me and me alone!

I’ve pretty much decided to give my 2 weeks notice at the after school program I work at. Although I enjoy working with the kids most of the time the position is too straining on my physically and emotionally. Out of one site manager and three assistants I am the one who does 90% of the planning and preparation for curriculum and other activities – that’s not part of my job and I’m NOT getting paid extra to do it. But if no one does it then everything is really chaotic and I’m more stressed. I like to be prepared because then I feel a bit more confident about what I’m going to be doing with the kids for the day. Being on my feet and having to discipline children all afternoon can be quite taxing…

So I’ve been spending a good chunk of my time once again searching and applying to jobs online. Nothing sounds “appealing” or like a “good fit” for me. I feel like I’m wasting me time. I do have an interview next week but a good chunk of that job requires me to meet “sales/membership” goals. I am not a “sales” person though so I am having some reservations… I haven’t even gone to the interview, they might not even want me! I need to take a chill pill (along with some pain reliever, but I’m trying to post-pone taking one for as long as possible).

My Ideal Day:

• yoga
• a long walk, preferably by a body of water, where I can just wander aimlessly and ease my mind
• reading, lots of reading
• window shopping
• visiting a museum
• relaxing with a newspaper and or book at a coffee shop – tea/latte-sipping
• painting, crochet, photography
• ending the day curled up on the couch, watching a good movie

Notice how this list  pretty much excludes other people? Ha, I just did! I have been pretty anti-social lately which is no surprise considering how I’ve been feeling. Maybe I just need a break.

But I do want something fun to do this weekend. The past few weekends have been kinda “blah” and I’m in desperate need of a break in the monotony. However, once again, nothing sounds appealing. Everything that sparks my interest is “too far” of a drive and requires more effort to get to. Suggestions?!

Oh, here’s what I’ve been working on.

You can find them now on Etsy!

I watched Midnight in Paris last night for the first time. My parents said that I’d love it which is the main reason that I hadn’t seen it yet. I studied abroad in Paris several summers ago and absolutely fell in love. There is something about the city that captivated me. Maybe because I had enough time to really explore and get to know the city, which is hard to do when you’re only passing through on a vacation. I took a photography and French Cinema course that enabled me to get to ”know” the city better than an average tourist would. My photography teacher would take us to “hidden spots” in the city that were away from the hustle and bustle of the main attractions. It was a much more intimate tour of the city that helped me to make it my own. I wasn’t too excited for the French Cinema class but it was the only option available that would work with my schedule. It turned out to be one of those “blessings in disguise” as it allowed me insight to French culture that I would otherwise be clueless about. I was also surprised by just how much the cinema class related to photography. I suppose it makes sense when you step back to look at the two arts. I became more aware of “shots”, framing, and colors from learning about cinema that helped me become a better photographer. Gotta love when things turn out that way!

Anyways, I also loved Midnight in Paris because not only were the shots of the city spectacular, it combined several of my other favorite things: the 1920s, art, and literature! It’s a comedy, but not to cheesy, and a bit predictable but I guess that’s to be expected. If you haven’t already seen the movie I obviously highly recommend it, even if you haven’t been to Paris. There was a quote from the beginning of the movie that really “struck me” seeing as I’ve been “looking back” a lot lately.

Nostalgia is denial – denial of the painful present… the name for this denial is golden age thinking – the erroneous notion that a different time period is better than the one ones living in – it’s a flaw in the romantic imagination of those people who find it difficult to cope with the present.

Commit – (v)

• To give in trust or charge; consign
• To pledge (oneself) to a position on an issue or question; express one’s intention, feeling, etc.
• To bind or obligate, as by pledge or assurance; pledge; to commit oneself to a promise or course of action
• Entrust, esp for safekeeping, commend

Iniquity – (n)

• Gross injustice or wickedness
• A violation of right or duty; wicked act; sin

Grace – (n)

• The freely given, unmerited favor and love of God
• The influence or spirit of God operating in humans to regenerate or strengthen them
• State of grace – the condition of being in God’s favor or of the elect

Recover – (v used without and object)

•  To regain health after being sick, wounded, or the like
• To regain a former and better state or condition
• To regain one’s strength, composure, balance, etc

Composure – (n)

• Calmness, esp of the mind; tranquility

*** All definitions were found at dictonary.com***

I have absolutely fallen in love with this book. I haven’t even read any of her books (at least not in entirety) but I am able to relate to the author, Lori Smith. She describes herself as tending to be awkward in social situations (mainly in the guy department). She has battled long-term depression, low motivation, and has held jobs she is not too fond of (sounds like a lot of us, huh?). I also share her love of reading, of being captivated and transformed into a new place and time. It’s like getting to experience life in ways you normally wouldn’t, in the eyes of someone who has a personality opposite of your own. Yeah, this book will probably be finished by tomorrow.

Anyways, once I was finally “up for good” I worked on my magazine project. I have a binder of clear, plastic sleeves filled with articles, pictures, etc. that I want to keep. I have several categories that I sort into including beauty tips, fashion ideas, fitness/workouts, home/cleaning, design/decor, and I have a whole different binder just for recipes. It really cuts down on the piles of magazines that I have lying around and makes it easier to find articles I’m looking for.

I ran a few errands, picking up a few “self-help” books at the library. I’ll letcha know just how “helpful” they are.

My mom had taken the morning off work and we were both sitting at the dining room table while she was having lunch. I know I’ve mentioned on my blog that I’ve been in a rather “blah/crappy” mood lately. I started talking to my mom about something and that little thing lead to another, and that to another, so on and so on… All this talking lead me to a full on meltdown. I honestly can’t remember the last time that I’ve cried so much. It felt good to let it all out. Although I had to quickly make myself look presentable for work and deal with crazy kiddos who didn’t want to listen (but that’s another story). I totally wish that I could take the rest of the week off… Wishful thinking!

Every day may not be good, but there is good in every day – unknown

I could have rode up with my family to drop him off and help him move in (he still can’t lift/carry very much after his surgery). It would be nice to have a “change or scenery” if only for a day, but in November when I tagged along my parents drove me absolutely crazy! They’ve been getting on my last nerve more frequently so I decided that I’d protect whatever is left of my mental sanity and work the holiday program at the school (teacher in service day for MLK Jr.).

My faith has felt so shaken lately. I find it more and more challenging to “follow God” or even want to. I am sure that this is just a test. I read somewhere that when you begin to become closer to God the more and more difficult it becomes as the Devil tries to tear you away. Yep, that sounds about right…

I read this in my prayer book this morning. It’s in resonse to 2 Samuel 3-4. It is another one of those “prefect fits” to how I’m feeling:

“Every morning we arise afresh in Christ our light. Ancient Christian writers warn against “morning demons”; yesterday’s worries and grievances returning to poison the new day.”

Saint Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle;
be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray:
and do thou, O Prince of the heavenly host,
by the power of God,
thrust into hell Satan and all the evil spirits
who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls.
Amen

(source)

I tought myself how to crochet hearts from online tutorials. I’ve made over 20 so far. They’re really easy once you get going. I bought some pink yarn yesterday to add variety.

Some recent eats and treats:

Weekend Reading:

(Very good so far!)

I hope you had a restful weekend and are ready to take on the week. Be thankful for the long weekend if you have one!