Simple Gifts

My “simple gifts” of the week:

• Season finales that end on a “good note” - Criminal Minds
• Cotton-tailed bunnies
• The smell of cookouts/backyard BBQs
• The fist sip of a Sonic Diet Cherry Limeade – especially during their happy hour
• Taking sheets fresh out of the dryer
• Refreshing morning showers
• Cute repair guys
• Finishing craft projects that I start
• Getting hooked on a new book
• Seeing couples holding hands as they walk around
• Going to Victoria’s Secret just to spritz myself with perfume so I smell good
• Catching green lights
• Seeing the first “lightning bugs” of the season
• When your favorite songs come on the radio back-to-back – especially when stuck in traffic
• A refreshing breeze on a hot day
• Receiving non-bill/junk mail
• The “energy”  coffee shops have

What were some of the gifts that you received this week?!

~

Shop My Etsy!

Not again…

Maybe I should just delete my previous post. My head is consumed with doubts about what I want to do everyday/what I’d be good at in the future. I know that one of my problems is that I have sooooo many interests and it’s hard to focus them in one direction. I’m not a fan of decision-making.

I want someone to just tell me what to do so if it doesn’t work out I can place the blame for my failure on the. Mature, huh? It’s just so hard to “picture” myself in 5,10 years…

Ugh, counseling, social work, dietetics, art – back and forth. The reasons why I shouldn’t do one or the other pile up higher each hour.

IFs

My mind usually travels to many places over the course of the day, weeks, and months. I am a thinker. I have always been preoccupied with my thoughts. Even when I was younger, 7-8 years old, I’d be riding in the car with my dad and he’d ask me what I was thinking about.

I believe that thinking is a good thing. A lot of people don’t think before they speak or act and it gets them into trouble. But for me I almost feel that I have the opposite problem. I think too much about everything. Overanalyzing details to the point that I miss out on opportunities that I could be taking advantage of, moving me forward. I feel stuck with the “what ifs” and the “If ____, thens ____.”

I’m in one of those transitional periods of my life between graduating college and being completely in the real world. I’m living at home, my younger brother is a state away for his first year of college, I’m working, but part-time and desperately seeking other ways to fill my time (work, activities, etc.)

I’ve spent pretty much all my free time in the mornings on job search websites, printing off and submitting applications online, and running around town dropping them off. These jobs are also part-time, probably temporary. I need a way to make more money if I decide to go back to grad school or move out (hopefully within this coming year).

I feel pressured to make a career choice but nothing is jumping out at me. I have a lot of things that I am interested in but each option has a “con” side that outweighs the “pros”. In short, I am frustrated. I know I am young and have the rest of my life to figure things out – that is what people tell me. But I am not satisfied with that. I do not want to make the wrong decision about my future (where to work, back to school, travel, move?) and just settle for what seems to be the most attainable at the time. It is so hard to know when you are making the right decision sometimes…

Right now I’m OK. But just OK isn’t good enough for me. My part-time job is OK, but it can be stressful with the curriculum planning (now trying to find age-appropriate activities for K – 4th grade) that also takes up a lot of my free time and the kids leave me exhausted at the end of the day. My days consist of job hunting, planning curriculum, looking at career/grad school websites, working out, reading, watching Criminal Minds, and maybe shopping on the weekends. It’s nice, but getting old. Where am I going?!?!

When the past become present

I’ve been writing a bit about the importance of community lately. Whether it be needing support or simply having someone to joke around with. Sometimes there is one person who always seems to keep “popping” up in your life.

Yesterday I met up with an ex-boyfriend old friend. It’s been about 5 years since we were “together” but we’ve kept in touch over the years. We kinda have a “love/hate” relationship. Usually after we spend time together I believe that he’s matured and I can have one of my friends back because despite all the drama from our past because I miss him. I’ve just always wondered why I miss him. I’ve dated many people and had a few heart breaks since we broke up. But it never fails that I get “drawn in” to him. Even when he makes his intentions crystal clear that he has no intention of dating (me) I still feel hurt by him, like I’m not good enough.

I’ve always secretly wanted things to work out between us again. When things are going well between us I’m almost a completely different person. I’m happy. I’m bubbly. I’m more social, positive, and hopeful in general. I thought things were going to turn out how I wanted them to last summer but I was terribly mistaken. There is something magnetic about him. He has always been so hard to get over. I never seem to learn. This lesson that repeats itself about every 6 months to a year that I choose to ignore. Then I’m upset, angry, hate him and myself, block him from Facebook, cut off all communication, and am relatively content until I see him again.

It could be because he was my “first love”, I see getting his attention as a “challenge”, or there’s no one else around that I find attractive (he isso attractive too…).

One thing I know is that he’s probably going to be in my life to a certain extent. I just have to look at how the overall relationship impacts us both. Relationships help you try new things, learn, experience , open yourself up to vulnerability, and trust.

I’m going to keep my “expectations” to a minimum. I feel that they ruin things in general. I’m going to focus on each feeling, thought, emotion, and time spent with him as it comes. Not trying to plan out the details of what we’ll do when we are together or what he’s thinking each moment. Over-analyzing situations is dangerous. I’m notorious for thinking too much.

What I can “focus” on are the constants in my life:

My family that is with me through thick and thin

My faith

Sunrises and sunsets that close one day and greet the next with light and warmth

Thrown off.

Ahhh! It’s time for me to get ready for work and I’m so not close to ready!

I was trying to get to bed early last night but I decided to take my Photoshop exam after I got back from Advanced Photoshop last night (yay, I passed!). Then I wasn’t super tired so I read for a little bit – I’m getting to that part of the book where it’s hard to put down (see what book I’m reading on the previous post!)

So I slept in this morning which is super unusual for me. I guess my body needed the rest but now my “routine” is thrown off. No time for yoga this morning aka tragedy! My goal is to go to the gym and try round #2 of “running”. I want to feel ambitious… I don’t have any major plans for the evening besides taking a few pictures for my Photoshop assignment we are working on tomorrow and helping my brother get little gifts together for his girlfriend’s birthday tomorrow. What would he do without me?!

Present

Here’s a good article about how to being more present in your life! It’s something I’ve been working on myself. Enjoy & Happy Thursday!